A World Turned Upside Down

It’s amazing how quickly the world turned upside down. I live in Utah and two weeks ago I went into isolation. Turns out my main hobbies are shopping and having the freedom to go wherever I want. Ha. Fortunately, I can work from home for the foreseeable future, which has been nice. But I miss going out and running errands and visiting shops and not being scared that everyone I see will have an illness that could kill me. Wow, how’s that for dramatic. Haha. But still kind of true. 

And because an apocalyptic plague isn’t enough going on, on March 18th, Salt Lake had a 5.7 earthquake to shake up our quarantine. Yeah, not a fan. I prefer my quarantines stirred. Despite being from California, this was my first significant earthquake. It was not a fun way to be woken up. 5.7 is moderate and we had a few decent aftershocks. Fortunately no damage at my house and no injuries or deaths. So, really, it wasn’t that big of a deal, but I learned I do not like earthquakes. I was so stressed the whole day and my body was really struggling to handle the adrenaline. And keep thinking I feel aftershocks when there haven’t been any. #feelingshakencrazy #andstircrazy

As you may recall, I recently wrote about my primary immunodeficiency. It specifically leaves me vulnerable to lung infections, which is what COVID-19 is. So that’s fun. Utah has started to see the virus spreading in the community, but the next few weeks (months?) of isolation will be crucial to keeping the virus from swarming the community and overwhelming hospitals. 

I’ll be honest, it’s been hard. If I catch it, I’m at a higher risk of complications, particularly because of my mast cell disorder. Will I have anaphylaxis to the treatments? Will I even have access to the medical treatment I need? Will I be deemed worthy of medical treatment if medical resources run thin or the system collapses? Will I also be asked to “sacrifice” my medical treatment or medications for some hypothetical future treatment for others? (Also, WHAT?? It’s insane that a pharmacy/insurance would deny a current medication of a patient and then have the gall to thank the patient for their sacrifice.)

It has also been really difficult to find safe food that I can eat. Stores have been sold out of a lot of things. Right after the Governor announced a significant social distancing effort, the stores were picked clean. And running from store to store is not the best idea. This weekend I missed getting to see a play I had been looking forward to for months and months–the show has been completely canceled. I’m so sad. Sad for me, but also sad for the theater and the actors, and technicians, and everyone who has lost jobs. It’s heartbreaking that so many people have (hopefully) temporarily lost their jobs because public places have shut down. Church has been canceled. Temples have closed. Life feels really hard right now.  I know this is temporary, but it is reality.

I have my six-month check-up with my immunologist and get my Xolair shot (I get it every month) this week. I sure hope I still can. My risk for anaphylaxis goes up significantly if I’m unable to get it.  I’ve been trying so hard to eat safe foods and avoid things that fill my reaction bucket so I don’t end up in the hospital. Stress is a big trigger for me, so you can imagine how well that’s going. I’ve taken a lot of Benadryl in the past few weeks. 

I called my pharmacy this past week to make sure I’ll be able to get my medicine. They said yes, but they can only provide a 30 day supply of my hydroxychloroquine–even with my doctor ordering a 90 day supply–per a state order (because there’s an unsubstantiated rumor it will help patients with the virus). It worries me that something will happen and I won’t be able to get my medicine. This particular one is critical for keeping my body stable. I once accidentally forgot it for a week and my body was a complete mess and I thought I was going to get hospitalized. Fortunately, within a couple of days of restarting, I was feeling better. Within a week, I was back to my normal. I don’t want to go through that again. My body is already on the edge, I don’t know what it would be like if I didn’t have Xolair or hydroxychloroquine.

While working the other day, I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack and the phrase “A world turned upside down” has been stuck in my mind since. It sure feels like that right now. It feels so scary, confusing, and overwhelming. I went and made my one weekly trip to the store yesterday and wore my mask, per usual (people still wear perfume, ugh), and people actively ran away from me. Geez Louise, if I had the plague, I would not be in public! That was fun. Oy.

Silver Lining

But the world also feels slower, kinder, more patient, and more moments of peace. I read a post from a woman living in China where they’ve been in a harsh lockdown and she said she’s lived in the city and never knew there were birds in the city. The pollution has gone away there. It’s gone here too. 

People are home with their families. People are getting outside and enjoying spring weather (with social distancing!). Kids playing outside. People are finding clever ways to celebrate milestones, birthdays, and weddings. People are sharing more uplifting content on social media. And there have been some hilarious memes! I love all of it.

My oldest niece turned 8 a few months ago and we’ve been planning a special “Gr-8 Adventure” in a couple weeks to celebrate that involved me flying to Sacramento and then us spending time in San Francisco and doing other fun things that she wanted to do. Unfortunately, the trip was canceled due to the virus. Everyone was too worried about me traveling to a virus-infested place. We were both disappointed. Last week I saw a free watercolor painting class given by an artist I love and thought it would be fun for my niece and I to do together via technology. We set up our computers so the instructional video played at the same time and then we painted and talked together (double monitors for the win). It was such a fun couple of hours. Despite the 800 miles and virus that separate us, we were still able to do something fun together. 

So, how am I doing? Pretty good, considering. I’m pretty well unaffected. I’m still working. I am pretty introverted, so I have a pretty low-key social life anyway, so not missing much there. Hahaha. But I do miss Church and the Temple. I miss being around people (when I want to be, lol). I miss shopping. I miss not disinfecting everything whenever someone comes over. I miss having breakfast and lunch cooked for me at work. I miss the conveniences. I miss Amazon Prime being 2 days. Lol. 

Praying for Guidance

Today we’re having a worldwide fast for all those affected by the virus. For the medical personnel on the front lines, for the government leaders, for the patients and their families, for those that are economically affected. It has been beautiful to see people come together, regardless of their faith, to pray and fast for help and guidance from God. (Fasting from food is really hard on my body, so I’m fasting from something else.)

I was recently reading my scriptures and read about a young man who was asked by God to do something seemingly impossible. Something the man didn’t know anything about. He and his family were far from civilization and he was asked to build a boat so his family could sail to a new, promised land. He didn’t even have tools. So in faith, he asked God where to find the materials so he could make the tools. He didn’t question the direction to build a boat. He didn’t say, okay give me tools for this impossible task. He said okay, help me find the materials so I can make the tools. Help me know how to put the boat together. 

To me, this felt like such a direct correlation to today. God has given us all the material we need to fight this virus. We can do the seemingly impossible, we just need direction from Him on how to put it all together. We need guidance on how to help ourselves and our families build whatever boat God is trying to help us build in our lives. And we can, with His help.

In time, life will go back to what it was. Doctors will find the answers to this virus that helps save us from it. This will not be what ends all life on Earth. Overall, I am optimistic. I have faith and peace that God knows what is going on and He has His hand in this. 

Maybe we just needed something to help us reset our lives a little and help us turn our hearts a little more towards Him?

And here are some of my favorite memes because that is how I am coping with life right now. hahahaha!